"Hey, how's it going?"
"Fine. Good."
We say that a dozen times a day. At work, at church, in the hallway at a conference. And sometimes it's true. But a lot of times it isn't. When you slow down, ask a real question and actually care about the answer, you find out there's serious stuff going on in people's lives.
We've never been more connected. Our phones keep us connected all day long. But a lot of it is superficial. Dysfunctionally connected, I'd call it. That weapon of mass distraction in your pocket makes you feel connected while you quietly drift toward isolation.
And here's why that matters for your growth: who you surround yourself with shapes who you're becoming.
Associations are one of your controllables
I teach a framework I call A.I.R.F.A.R.E. - the airfare to your next level. It's seven things you can control: Attitude, Inputs, Routine, Focus, Associations, Response and Effort.
Four of those you control 100%: your focus, your attitude, your response and your effort. You can't control the events in your life, but you can control your response to them.
The other three - associations, inputs and routines - you don't control completely. You can't pick every person you work with or every voice you hear in a day. But you have a lot more influence over them than most of us use.
Associations is the one I want to dig into, because it's the one we drift on the most.
Seek wisdom, think better, grow through, serve well
At the heart of REAL High Performance Training are four pillars: seek wisdom, think better, grow through, serve well.
Notice what has to happen first. To seek wisdom, you need an association. Yes, you can get wisdom from a book or a podcast. But somebody further down the road than you wrote that book. Wisdom almost always comes through a person.
And the pace of change isn't slowing down. With technology and AI, it's only going to get faster. Here's a thought, though. What if those tools gave us more time, not less, for real human connection - with our families, our teams, our clients? That only happens if we're intentional about it.
The four people worth seeking out
When I think about the relationships that help us grow, I think about four kinds of people.
1. Trusted peers. These are your inner circle. You're on a level playing field - they're further than you in some areas, and you're further in others. How do you know who they are? Time promotes or exposes. Over time you'll see who you can trust and who becomes a loving truth teller - someone who cares about you enough to be honest.
2. Mentors. A mentor has been down a road you haven't been down yet. And sometimes a mentor teaches you what not to do. I've got a client who built a very successful business and sold it, but his health is a shambles. If he mentored me, he'd say, "Chance, don't spend your health to build your wealth." A good mentor can keep you from climbing to the top of the wrong building.
3. Leaders. A leader shows you the way, often by example more than words. My wife's grandfather was that for me. In football we film every practice and every game so we can see what's really going on. If you'd filmed his life, it would've shown you exactly three things mattered most: faith, family and friends. He worked as hard as anybody I know, and he always had time for those three.
4. Coaches. Ask people if being coachable matters and almost everybody says yes. Far fewer actually go get a coach. I've hired coaches for most of my life - sometimes paid, sometimes not - and it's been one of the best investments I've ever made. When I didn't grow from it, that was on me, not them. Knowing that being coachable is important and actually being coachable are two very different things.
Three-minute people and 30-year people
Not every relationship is meant to be the same size. Some people are three-minute people. Some are 30-minute, three-hour or three-day people. And some are 30-year, lifetime people. My wife is a lifetime person for me. So is God.
The question is, where am I actually spending my time? Am I giving my best hours to three-minute people and leftovers to the lifetime ones?
Why it matters: so we can serve well
Do you want 10 years of experience, or one year repeated 10 times? I've done both, to be honest with you.
The people around you are a big part of which one you get. When we seek wisdom, we think better. When we think better, we grow through life instead of just going through it. And when we grow through, we get to serve well - our families, our teams, our clients, and for me, God.
Rory Vaden says you're most equipped to serve the person you once were. That's the point of all of this. You get better so somebody else can, too.
Your One More Rep: audit your associations
Here's your One More Rep this week. Take a few minutes and look honestly at the people around you:
- Who am I spending the most time with?
- Are they three-minute people or lifetime people?
- Do I have a trusted peer, a mentor, a leader and a coach - or is one missing?
Then pick one move. Just one. Go find a mentor. Reach out to a trusted peer you've drifted from. Hire a coach. Or turn it around and become one of those four people for somebody else.
Remember, knowledge isn't power. The consistent application of knowledge is power. Knowing who you should be around doesn't change anything. Calling them does.
Let's grow!
