Think about the five people you spend the most time with.
Now ask yourself an honest question. Do any of them challenge you? Not criticize you - challenge you. Push you to grow personally or professionally. Make you a little uncomfortable in a good way.
If the answer is "not really," you're not alone. And you're not stuck, either. Who we let close to us is one of the few things we actually get some say over.
You don't control all of it, but you control some
We can't fully pick everyone in our lives. There are coworkers. In-laws. Friends of friends. People who come with the job, the neighborhood or the family. That's real life.
But we do have some control, in both directions - who gets to influence us, and who we get to influence.
When I look back over my life, there have been people whose values just weren't lined up with where I was going. And to be honest with you, there have been plenty of times I made the poorer choice right along with them. Sometimes I was the one influencing other people poorly. I'm a lot more aware of it today. I'm still a work in process on it.
Here's the thing - proximity creates influence. Whoever we stay close to, we start to become more like. So it's worth being intentional about it.
Three-minute, 30-minute, three-hour and three-day people
One of the most helpful ideas I've picked up on this comes from Darren Hardy, author of The Compound Effect.
He says you don't have to cut people off or walk away from relationships. I genuinely care about people, and I try hard not to judge anyone. But you can decide how much access each person gets to you. Some people are three-minute people. Some are 30-minute people. Some are three-hour people. And a few are three-day people.
That's not about who's good and who's bad. It's about being intentional with your time and your influence. Some people need more of your time so you can be present and pour into them. Others are fine at three minutes. And the ones who are further down the road than you - the ones you want to learn from - those are the people worth moving closer.
And in today's world, close doesn't always mean in the same room. A lot of the coaches who have shaped me have been virtual. Some are authors and speakers who don't know me at all. Others I've paid for coaching or certification. Either way, if I want to grow from someone's experience, I have to get close enough for it to rub off.
What the right people do for you
Coaches, mentors and trusted peers can do things for us that we just can't do alone.
They help you see your blind spots. We can't see what we can't see. That sounds like something Yogi Berra would say, but it's true. One question I've asked people over the years is simple: "How do you experience me?" It doesn't always feel the best to hear the answer. I've always needed correction, and I still do. But it's healthy.
They expand what you believe is possible. When someone has gone further than you - built a bigger business, stayed married longer, gotten healthier, stayed consistent in their faith - just being around them stretches your belief. I saw that kind of steady faith in my wife's grandfather years ago, and I wanted it to rub off on me.
They shorten the learning curve. Wouldn't you like to shorten yours? This has helped me more than almost anything. I've spent my whole life looking for people who are further along than me in the five areas: spiritual, mental, physical, relational and financial.
They raise your standards. Sometimes we need someone to look at us and say, "You're better than that. You're worth more than that. You're more capable than you think."
They challenge your identity. Great leader, pastor and author Craig Groeschel says you do what you do because of what you think of you. We tend to fall back to that which is familiar - even when it's an uncomfortable familiar. The right people help us step into an unfamiliar uncomfortable, which is where growth actually happens.
Growth was never meant to stop with you
So what do we do with it when we get around better people and start growing?
I love the FIT acronym: forever intentionally training my growth to serve others. That's the point. We don't get more fit - spiritually, mentally, physically, relationally or financially - just for ourselves. We get better so we can turn around and pay it forward.
Iron sharpens iron. Somebody sharpened you. Now you get to be that person for someone else - in your marriage, your parenting, your work, your team.
Your One More Rep: move one person closer
Here's your One More Rep this week. Just one.
- Pick one of the five areas - spiritual, mental, physical, relational or financial - where you want to grow.
- Name one person who is further along than you in that area. It can be someone you know, a coach, or an author you can learn from.
- Take one step to move them closer. Reach out. Read their book. Ask the question: "How do you experience me?"
Start as a three-minute connection. Maybe it grows into 30 minutes. Maybe one day it's a three-hour or even a three-day relationship. Then keep going until you become that kind of influence for somebody else.
You are worth it, and you have what it takes. Go get around some people who'll help you become a better you, so you can serve from that stronger place.
Let's grow!
