How are you?
"Fine." "Good." "Busy."
Those are the three answers almost all of us give. At work, at church, in the grocery line. And most of the time, they aren't really true. They're just what we say.
So let me ask it a different way. How are you - for real? Not how you feel you are. Not how you'd like to be. What does the evidence say?
A mentor told me I was exactly where I wanted to be
Years ago a mentor told me, "Chance, you're exactly where you want to be in life."
I said, "No, I'm not." I was frustrated with one of my businesses, and I was sure I was right.
He said, "Yeah, you are. Based on the choices you've made over the last seven minutes, seven hours, seven days, seven weeks, seven months, seven years - you're exactly where you want to be."
Man, that did not feel very good. But I'm thankful for it now, because I got curious instead of staying right. And curiosity is where an honest assessment starts.
Film the practice, not just the game
I coach high school running backs, and one of the reasons our program does well is that we film practice. Not just games. Practice. What we do when no fans are watching.
Here's why that matters. Without film, all I've got is memory. And memory lies. Say a player who pushes my buttons fumbles once in a game. That one fumble gets stuck in my head. Meanwhile, a kid I like may have put it on the ground three or four times in practice, and I don't even remember it.
Our thoughts deceive us. Especially our thoughts about ourselves.
So what if we filmed your days? Not one good day - your days, for days. The video wouldn't show who you think you are. It would show who you are. What would your spouse say the evidence is? Your kids? Your coworkers? The stranger who can't do anything for you?
The slow fade
One of my favorite groups, Casting Crowns, has a song called "Slow Fade." The idea is that we don't go from a spiritual high one day to being eyeball-deep in sin the next. It's a small compromise. Then another. It's a drift, and we don't know we've drifted until we're there.
That's been my story. I'd show up to a Bible study and be consistent for a few weeks. Then I'd go six months without opening my Bible. Nobody finishes a study saying, "I hope I don't read this again for six months." But that's what happened.
It happens physically too. You work out all January, take one day off, then one more, then you do half a workout. Next thing you know, it's been 90 days.
So don't beat yourself up if you're drifting. I've drifted in all five areas of life. Just be honest, because we can't get better at what we won't admit.
Score yourself on evidence, not feelings
Here's a simple assessment. Take the five areas - spiritual, mental, physical, relational and financial - and give each one a number from one to four. No 2.5. No middle ground.
- 1 - Drifting. No real direction here.
- 2 - Inconsistent. Good intentions, on and off.
- 3 - Directed. My choices generally line up with what I say matters.
- 4 - Growing. I'm intentionally training, and there's visible fruit.
The rule: there's no score without evidence. A few questions to help:
Spiritual. Is my relationship with God actually shaping how I live, or is it just something I say I believe? Am I making space for scripture, prayer, worship and silence to listen? Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I've wondered if self-control comes last because it's the hardest. Is there growing evidence of that fruit in how I treat people?
Mental. Are my thoughts helpful and truthful? Under stress, do I respond on purpose or react automatically? Do I keep the promises I make to myself - even the small ones?
Physical. Is my body becoming more capable or less? This isn't about six-pack abs. It's about being able to take care of yourself, and the people you love, for a long time.
Relational. What is it actually like to be in a relationship with me? When someone reaches for connection, do I turn toward them? Do I listen to understand, or just to respond? Love leaves evidence.
Financial. Do I control my money, or does it control me? Do I even know where it's going?
Somebody once challenged me in my late twenties: show me your calendar and your checkbook, and I'll tell you what's most important to you. I didn't like it then. I'm okay with it now.
Small reps compound
I'm not a pastor, and I'm a major work in process. But I'll tell you one thing that changed me. Years ago I started reading one verse a day on the Bible app. One verse. At first I wasn't even really processing it. But it grew - into devotionals, prayer, worship, time to just listen with God. I can't put into words what something that small has compounded into.
James Clear says every choice you make is a vote for the person you want to become. That felt overwhelming to me at first. Every choice? Then I realized I don't have to handle all of them. I just have to handle the next one.
Your One More Rep: one area, one truth, one rep
Don't set five goals. Pick one.
- One area. Which of the five has the weakest evidence right now?
- One truth. What do I need to admit about it?
- One direction. Where do I want to go - or where is God leading me?
- One rep. What will I do next? And who will know?
Then ask the bigger question: why, and for whom? If you were only doing it for you, you probably would have done it already. Maybe it's for your kids. Your spouse. The person you once were.
And if you're hurting right now, please don't carry it alone. Reach out to a pastor, a counselor or a doctor. That's a strong move, not a weak one.
You are one of one, created on purpose. Let's go create some evidence that matches who God made you to be. God bless.
