Somebody sent me a message on social media recently with a really good, really challenging question: what's one of the most important things you've learned in your lifetime?
I didn't fire back an answer. I sat with it. I gave it time, thought and a lot of consideration, because man, there are so many things I could put out there.
But one thing kept rising to the top. And it wasn't a quote or a one-liner. It was a process.
The question behind the question
Most of my best thinking happens very early in the morning, before anyone else in my house is up. It doesn't take anything away from my family, and it refuels me. Maybe you're refueled by people. I'm refueled by alone time - one-on-one time with myself and with God.
In that quiet, I kept asking the questions under the question. Who helped me learn? What was my philosophy behind learning? Where did my desire to keep growing even come from?
When I looked back over 58 years, the answer was clear. Almost everything good I've learned, I learned from other people. And it all fits into one simple process.
Seek wisdom. Think better. Grow through. Serve well.
Here's the framework, in the order it works:
- Seek wisdom - from God and from people who are further down the road than you.
- Think better - let that wisdom change how you think, not just what you know.
- Grow through life - instead of just going through it.
- Serve well - because the whole point of getting better is to help somebody else get a little better too.
That's it. It's not complicated. But it has taken me a lifetime of reps to see it, and I'm still a major work in process on every single piece of it.
Where I learned it
I learned about living well in the mundane - the ordinary days that nobody posts about - and about living well in adversity. A lot of that came from my mom. A lot of it came from things my wife and I have had to learn together, side by side.
And I've learned from success too, whatever your definition of success is, because success can challenge you just as much as a hard season does.
Through all of it, I've had coaches, mentors and teachers who poured into me. I didn't figure any of this out on my own. That's kind of the whole point.
Process, not outcome
Here's where I have to coach myself the most.
It's so easy to get caught up in the outcome. To beat myself up over not being where I think I should be. Where I could be. Where I would've been, if I'd done this or that differently.
That kind of thinking doesn't grow anybody. It just keeps you stuck looking backward.
So I try to bring it back to the process. Did I seek wisdom today? Did I let it shape how I think? Am I growing through this season or just getting through it? Did I serve somebody well?
And part of the process is ownership. When I point a finger at somebody else, I've got three fingers pointing right back at me. The better questions are: How can I get better? How can I go serve more? How can I use the gifts God has given me in a more real, meaningful way?
"I will," not "I know"
I want to be really clear about something. I'm not writing this as somebody who has it all figured out.
Ask the people closest to me. My wife would tell you I've got plenty to work on. My boys would tell you. The people I work with every day would tell you. They'd all be right.
So I never come at this from the angle of "I know." I come at it from "I will."
Every day God gives me, I'm going to get up and keep doing the reps. I'm going to keep seeking wisdom from God and from people further along than me. I'm going to do my best to use it to think better, to grow through life instead of just going through it, and to serve others well. And my hope is that it's not my power doing any of that, but His power working through me to help somebody else take one more step.
Your One More Rep: name your process
Here's your One More Rep today. Take ten quiet minutes - early morning works great - and write down your answers to three questions:
- Where do I go for wisdom? Who is further down the road than me that I'm learning from?
- What's my process? Not the outcome I want, but the thing I'll keep doing every day, in the ordinary days, the hard ones and the good ones.
- Who will I serve with it this week?
You don't need a perfect answer. You just need to start the process. And I'd love to hear yours - your philosophy, your framework, what keeps you strong when life gets mundane, hard or even successful. Send me some of your nuggets. I'm still learning too.
I hope this challenges you. I hope it encourages you. And I hope it builds you up to know you can be a better version of you.
God bless, and let's grow!
