If I asked you whether fear or courage is running your everyday life, what would you say?
Most of us would shrug. Neither, really. Fear is for rattlesnakes and roller coasters. Courage is for soldiers and firefighters. An average Tuesday doesn't seem to have much of either.
Here's the thing - that's exactly where fear does its best work. Not in the big, dramatic moments, but quietly, in the ordinary ones. And it rarely shows up looking like fear.
We think of fear as an extreme
When we picture fear, we picture something big. Standing at the edge of a cliff. A dark ocean with your feet dangling. A haunted house you refuse to walk into.
That kind of fear is real, and a lot of it is there to protect us. I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about the subtle stuff that bleeds into the day-to-day. The decision you keep postponing. The conversation you keep avoiding. The opportunity you keep explaining away. The thing you're tired of, but not sick and tired of being sick and tired of.
Between fear and courage there's an average, normal, everyday life. Both are in there. But one of them is winning. If you can't say clearly how courage is leading your day, there's a good chance fear is doing more of the steering than you think.
The masks fear hides behind
Think about a job interview or a first date. We all show up as our "representative." Our best foot forward. That's human.
The problem is when the mask never comes off, even with ourselves. Fear loves to hide behind things that look good from the outside:
- Confidence covering insecurity. I've been thought of as a confident person my whole life. The truth is I'm confident in certain things and insecure about a lot of others.
- Success covering fear of failure. Chasing achievement so hard, out of fear of failing, that health and relationships pay the price.
- Perfection covering fear of judgment. If it's flawless, nobody can criticize it. So it never ships.
- Busyness covering avoidance. This is the one I want to stay on.
Our natural tendency is to read that list and think of someone else. Don't. When you point one finger, three are pointing back at you. They're pointing back at me too.
Busyness is the most respectable mask there is
Nobody questions a busy person. Busy looks responsible. Busy feels important.
But busy and productive are not the same thing. A lot of us are working and working and working, and still avoiding the most important things on our plate. The hard phone call. The honest talk with a teenager, a teammate or a spouse. The project that scares us because it might not work.
I'll be real with you. I've done this. I never consciously said, "I'm going to stay busy so I don't have to face that." But looking back, I've been busy all the time doing all the things, and avoiding some of the most important ones. I need this as much as anyone.
Here's how the loop works. Fear shows up. I avoid the action. I feel relief, because I avoided it. And the next attempt still feels just as hard, maybe harder. Avoidance brings relief, and it keeps the barrier right where it is.
Fear doesn't have to stop you to influence you. Sometimes it just whispers, "No big deal. One more day." And it's true, one more day won't change your life. The problem is one more day of the same pattern, stacked on top of all the others.
Eat the frog first
Speaker and author Brian Tracy wrote a simple book years ago called Eat That Frog! His point: if you've got a frog to eat, eat it first thing in the day.
The frog is the task that doesn't feel good. The 20 calls. The tough customer issue. The conversation you'd rather skip. It's not going to taste good. Eat it anyway, early, before busyness has a chance to bury it.
That's a small act of courage. And small acts of courage, done consistently, are how you train it.
John Maxwell says everything worthwhile is uphill. I'm sorry, it just is. I'm on the same mountain with you. But when we climb, we get stronger. Or we can keep sliding back into the same ditch, climbing out and sliding back, over and over.
Your One More Rep: 17 minutes facing the right way
Here's your One More Rep. Seventeen minutes with yourself, every day this week. No technology. A notebook, maybe a walk. That's it.
Use the time to ask:
- What am I keeping busy to avoid?
- Which mask do I reach for most - confidence, success, perfection or busyness?
- If someone filmed my last seven days, would it show more fear or more courage?
- What's one frog I'll eat first thing tomorrow?
Then go eat it. Just one.
You don't have to become fearless. Nobody is. You just have to notice which way you're facing and take one step the other direction. Keeping the promise you made to yourself, in spite of the fear, instead of falling back to that which is familiar - that's courage.
Go do something hard today. Let's grow!
